By The Pleasure Reporter
How we test
No guesswork, no sponsored placements, honest results. Here is exactly what happens to every product before it gets a score.
- 3 weeks
- Minimum per product
- 0
- Sponsorships
01 · The process
Every product, same six steps
- 01
Bought or requested, no conditions
When a brand supplies a unit, the review says so.
- 02
Inspected before it’s switched on
Body-safe materials, smooth finishes and solid construction are expected.
- 03
Three weeks, minimum
First impressions and week-three impressions rarely agree. We score the latter.
- 04
Scored the same way every time
Same categories, weighted, out of ten, so a score means the same thing on every page.
- 05
Rivals tested side by side
Alternating nights, same conditions, so the comparison is the toys, not the circumstances.
- 06
Published without sign-off
No sponsor sees a review before you do.
02 · What we score
What each score covers
- Feel
- What it feels like after weeks of use, not the first session. Includes motor character: rumbly versus buzzy, and the range from lowest to highest setting.
- Build quality
- Body-safe materials, finishes, seams, charging ports, and how it holds up.
- Cleaning
- How long a proper clean and dry takes.
- Features
- Modes, controls and, when a product has them, the app and connected tech: Bluetooth reliability, app design, every advertised feature, and any privacy red flags.
- Noise
- Tested through a closed door at one meter.
- Value
- Price against what you get and how long it lasts.
03 · Noise & cleanup ratings
What the labels mean
Noise
Closed door, one meter
- Silent
- No motor at all: manual toys.
- Low
- Inaudible over a fan.
- Low–Med
- Quiet, but not inaudible.
- Med
- Audible in a quiet room.
- Med–High
- Audible through a closed door at the top settings.
Cleanup
A proper clean and dry
- Easiest
- Opens flat or rinses under a tap in seconds.
- Easy
- Waterproof; rinse and dry in about a minute.
- Moderate
- Needs a proper clean and time to dry.
- Involved
- Textured or air-pulse chambers that need a real drying routine.
04 · Independence
Nobody pays for a score
- No sponsorships. No brand pays to be reviewed, featured or ranked.
- No paid placements. Every spot in every ranking is earned by the score.
- No early copy approval. No sponsor sees a review before you do.
- Commissions never touch rankings. A lower-ranked product with a better commission stays lower-ranked.
05 · How we make money
Reader-supported
Our buy buttons are affiliate links. You pay the normal price. That pays for testing; it never affects a score or a ranking.
Some units are bought at retail, some are supplied by the brand. The review always says which.
Every retailer we link to ships in plain packaging with a neutral sender name.
Read our full affiliate disclosure06 · Questions
Common questions
Do brands pay for reviews or rankings?
No. We accept no sponsorships and no paid placements. Every position in every ranking comes from the score.
How long do you test each product?
A minimum of three weeks of regular use.
Why are scores above 9.5 so rare?
We rarely award near-perfect scores unless a device truly redefines its category. A 9 from us is already an exceptional product.
How do you measure noise?
Through a closed door at one meter. Anything we rate “Low” is inaudible over a fan.